From the faculty, with love

admin May 21, 2008 communication 6 Comments

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Received at our help desk today, from a faculty member:

Subject: spam

Dear everybody in the whole mother fucking world of cyberspace or, put more politely,

to whom it may concern:

I have a PhD already and I didn’t mind attending class toward that end.

I do not wear a wrist watch.

I do not have a penis to enlarge.

If I did I believe it would stand up on its own accord.

My health insurance covers my prescription medication.

Thanks,

My reply:

Dear name here,

I don’t believe we’ve met formally; I am the new Chief Technology Officer. The Help Desk staff brought your email to my attention for a variety of reasons. Because we are not responsible for sending you spam, I believe your email is misdirected. However, we can help you adjust your spam filters.

thanks,

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6 Responses to “From the faculty, with love”

  1. Celeste said:

    May 22, 08 at 6:56 am

    Ok, that made me cackle out loud.

  2. Bendy said:

    May 22, 08 at 9:37 am

    This person is just jealous that she doesn’t get research-university-quality spam like this:

    Mutagenesis – for as little as $295 per mutation

    Dear Dr. *********

    Happy New Year from Gen Script!

    As we sweep last year’s disappointments out the door, don’t forget to
    add Gen Script’s shiny new prices for your 2008 budget: When the
    synthesis of double-stranded DNA is as low as $0.66 per bp (
    http://www.biologyproject.net/gene_synthesis.html ), cost is no
    barrier to your team’s plans for the new year.

    We need only the sequence of your gene of interest. We can deliver any
    gene in almost any vector in as little as 12 business days.

    Our gene synthesis technology does more than save you money:
    · Your gene in your vector: Delivers your gene in any vector, ready for use
    · No length limit: Delivers genes of 50 kb or longer
    Further, our advanced gene synthesis technology applies to all our
    gene manipulation services:
    1) Mutagenesis – for as little as $295 per mutation
    2) The construction of mutant libraries
    3) The construction of targeting vectors (knockout/knockin) – for as
    little as $2800 per construct

  3. Bendy said:

    May 22, 08 at 9:49 am

    Also, if said faculty is in the Gender Studies department, let me apologize in advance for the prejudicial assumption that “I do not have a penis to enlarge” = “she”.

    Perhaps some discounted injet cartridges or an UNLOCKED W1ND@WS XP C[)-R0M would appease them.

  4. kdghty said:

    May 22, 08 at 2:44 pm

    Peptides! It’s all about the peptides…

    Dear Dr. kdghty,

    In this happy new spring season some companies have discontinued their peptide synthesis and custom antibody services.

    But do not worry. GenScript is here to help.

    Using our proprietary FlexChemTM technology we can reliably synthesize high quality custom peptides of any length with an average turnaround time of 2-3 weeks – and for a very competitive price.

    http://www.biologyproject.net/peptide.html

    We are happy to offer a 10% discount on peptide synthesis for first orders from our new customers. For example, you can get a custom peptide of up to 26 aa for only $108 after discount.

  5. admin said:

    May 22, 08 at 5:15 pm

    Holy Smokes, spamsters! Y’all get the good spam. I feel so unworthy, so low brow. Even our spam is second rate!

  6. ihateyougoaway said:

    Jun 03, 08 at 8:03 pm

    Ahh, the same mental state of some of the faculty I deal with in that “evil” department

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